I just finished playing for the day. Had a couple cashes, couple bubbles. I got 18th in the $300 NL on Stars today. That was my closest call of the day. I blinded down and didn’t pick up many hands in the end. Overall it was a decent day with some good action. I am still making mistakes. I don’t know if I will ever get to the point where I feel like I am not making mistakes, but I can try.

Aside from poker not much is going on. It’s 8:15pm right now and I have no clue what I am going to do tonight. It’s pretty early but I’m already tired. Maybe I will go workout and see if anyone is around to do something tonight/hang out.

Let’s see… What can I talk about? UF football lost today. I wanted to see them win it all again. The Heat lost last night on a crazy buzzer beater by Kobe Bryant. I guess I can talk a little bit about some other life thoughts. I normally stray away from being too personal or telling too many of my thoughts. Last night I was driving back from Orlando (I was up there for a couple days) and the thought came across my mind that I have so much to learn.

“I’ve got a lot to learn.” It’s a general statement but it has a lot of merit to it. The more I think about life and it’s purpose, more and more thoughts run through my mind. There are so many interesting things that are worth knowing. There is just as much useless information out there as well. My brain is probably filled with more useless information than vital/interesting/worthwhile information. What’s the point in that? Is my environment to blame for this? Am I at fault for not monitoring what stimulates my brain? I’ve been alive for almost 25 years and everyday I learn something new. The point I’m making is every time I think I have figured it out, I learn more and realize different things. I will never know it all. Some things can only be realized through experience. I thought that statement that came to my mind last night was pretty worthwhile and true. I do have a lot to learn.

Another major factor of life is perception. Everyone has a different perception on life. My life has different problems and factors than your life. My problem could be the polar opposite of your problem but they both might hold the same weight due to the individuals perception of that problem. Sometimes when I am driving I look around at people. Who are they? What is their life about? What are they thinking? I look at them and try to think about life through their eyes. Perception. That’s all it is.

One of my professors in college made a statement that the meaning of life is for the individual to determine. The more I grow the more I understand that statement. Nobody knows how long we are here for. You just have to enjoy the time that you are here and try to make yourself happy. Some people want to be millionaires and have financial freedom, while other people might be happy working 9-5 and spending all their time with their family. It’s up to the individual to figure out how they want to live their life.

I think I have always searched for an ultimate purpose to my life. When I was nearing the end of high school I thought college would help me realize that purpose. When I got to college there was no epiphany. I figured I would have to wait until I finished college and I entered the “real world” to understand. I’m two years graduated from UCF and the deeper I get into my life the closer I come to the conclusion that there is no ultimate meaning or purpose to life. I’m not saying life is pointless. Life is to be cherished. I am merely saying that I am not going to wake up one morning and realize the meaning of life, or the meaning of my life. I always thought it would smack me in the face one day but it won’t. I just have to enjoy my time here and try to be happy.

I have challenges in life because I choose to have them. I control my life. I enjoy success. I am addicted to success. Success can be measured. It has feeling. The feeling of accomplishment is something great. Just think how dull life would be if everything was easy. I’ve had that conversation with a friend before. Here’s what I wrote to him a couple years ago.

“I realized it tonight. Making dreams come true is hard. Living the normal life is easy. We could easily mold our way into society and conform, but if we keep fighting then success will be sweeter. Dreams are only fun because of the struggle to attain the dream. If the dream wasn’t hard to do it wouldn’t be as fun or self-fulfilling. Life is about challenges. I’ve conquered all of my challenges so far. Yet to fail. Now I fear failure. Failure is scarier to me than the feeling of success.”

I’ve experienced failure plenty of times in my life. I’ve always bounced back. The only kind of failure I fear is failure of a monumental goal/dream of mine. Luckily I haven’t experienced failure of that magnitude. I don’t know if I ever will. I feel like if I put my mind to something I can overcome anything. Actually, I welcome failure. When I wrote what I wrote above a couple years ago I probably didn’t feel that way. Now failure wouldn’t bother me because I would learn and move on. Failure and success have to go hand in hand. If you never knew what it was like to fail how would you know what it’s like to succeed?

So that leads me to my last point I will make. I also wrote this down in my phone at one point over the last couple of years. “You can’t measure my success until I stop trying.” Success is a never ending fight. If I don’t win by TKO it will definitely be by decision in my favor.

I’ll be playing online tomorrow. Wish me luck.